Take My Kidney, Please

Or, That Time My Friend Donated His Kidney to An Acquaintance

Welcome to a new feature I’m calling Sparks where I share something that has inspired me lately in the hopes that it will inspire you too. Enjoy.

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Photo by Europeana on Unsplash - Edited by Me

Wait, what?

So, there I am, scrolling on Instagram, dropping a heart on any post with a dog, when I see a photo of my friend Jon in the hospital.  I freeze.  Photos of people in the hospital usually have terrifying captions involving horrific accidents or debilitating diseases.  I don’t want to know what happened to put Jon there but feel like I should know, so I force myself to read it:

“Okay, so I donated a kidney two weeks ago. I’m currently resting at home, and my pain level is pretty minimal at this point.”

Um, what?  I drop a heart.  Drop more hearts in the comments.  Text him hearts.  So many hearts. I am blown away.  Who does that?  Who just gives away an organ?  Apparently my friend Jon!  After a few weeks of thinking about it non-stop, I had to know more.

Why Not?

Jon: “I’ve been donating blood and platelets for years and this always felt like the logical next step.”

The logical next step? Says who?  I mean, since when is donating blood the gateway drug to organ gifting?  It couldn’t just be that Jon is an incredibly generous person, could it?  No, no, he says.  “anybody can do it.  You don’t have to be a superhero.”

I’ve known Jon since college. He’s been a high school teacher for 25 years. At no point had it occurred to me that he was secretly a freakishly selfless person. I mean, I knew he was a good guy, but not, ‘give your kidney away’ good. Frankly, who is? I’m definitely not sure if I am. I needed the whole story. 

So, first obvious question: Who in his family needed the kidney?

Oh, no.  HIs family is fine, he says.  He donated the kidney to… 

“Okay, you know my friend Mike?”  

“Yeah?”  At this point I think he is about to tell me that his very good friend Mike got his kidney.

“So, his wife Eden…”  Ah, Mike’s wife got the kidney.

“Well, she has a brother we play disc golf with.”  Oh.   Mike’s wife’s brother got the kidney?

“We were all carpooling together and we drop him off at his house and … I saw on his wife’s car a bumper sticker that said, ‘I need a kidney.  If you’re O positive call this number.’  And I said, ‘you know, I’m O Positive.’”

Mike’s Wife’s Brother’s Wife got the kidney.  She had been on dialysis for 7 years.  

This blows my mind.  It’s hard enough to imagine donating an organ. It seems insane to donate that organ to someone I didn’t even know that well.  Jon doesn’t see it that way.

“It was just the right thing to do and I had an opportunity to do it.  That’s the bottom line.  I try not to make it more complicated than that and I hope that other people will consider doing it.”

Despite him downplaying this amazingly unselfish act, it’s clear to me that one of Jon’s biggest motivations in doing this was to inspire others to do the same. Including his son. “I always tell him to do the right thing and if you have the opportunity to help somebody, you do.  And he’s always heard me say that, but he’s never actually been there when I’ve donated blood or anything.  I wanted him to see it.’

How It Went  

The process of making this happen was, not surprisingly, long and slow.

“So, at certain times over the course of the next year, I had to take off work and do tests and eventually they’re like, ‘we’re good go.’ There’s an advocate for you and a social worker.  It’s not just a medical match.  You have to be a lifestyle match.  I was very fortunate to have a lifestyle that allows me to take time off.  I waited until June to donate because that’s when I was done with school.”

I kept asking him things like, “Did they tell you the risks?” or “Did they talk about how you could die?” Because, this was all I could think about. I couldn’t imagine how you could hear about the many life threatening ways that things could go wrong and still go through with it. The only thing I could think was that maybe they danced around the dangers, tried to make it seem like no big deal. However, he assured me they were very thorough.

“One thing that was kind of funny to me was when they said, ‘so we have to move your spleen out of the way, but if we somehow do damage your spleen, we’re just gonna remove it.’  Like, It’s useless apparently.”

I mean, sure. You name something ‘spleen’ you clearly don’t think it should be taken seriously.

After

The surgery took 2.5 hours (seems so short!) and the recipient was in another room waiting while it happened, ready to receive their new kidney. When it was time, they, uh, installed it? while leaving her old ones in there. She has three kidneys now!

Jon, meanwhile, was left with a 2.5 inch incision from the belly button down.  There are also two holes on his side where they went through to get to his left kidney.  Apparently they try to choose a kidney where they have to do the least removing of arteries, and for Jon the poor kidney who drew the short straw was his left.

“So, then the recovery was, I don’t want to sugarcoat it, that was the worst pain I think I’ve ever had.  I was in terrible pain for two days.  I just had to keep reminding myself, ‘this is temporary.  You did this for a good cause.’ By the second week at home, though, I was really okay. Like, if I was teaching, I would have gone back to work.”

And here is yet another reason why we don’t pay our teachers enough. I’m kidding, but I’m not. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a person who donated their kidney just to do a good deed also happens to be a teacher. Teachers dedicate their lives to public service. They value community in a way I wish we all did. They make sure each kid in their class learns as much as they can, does the best they can. They want everyone to succeed.

And now Jon, giver of kidneys, feels empowered to take on one of society’s greatest evils: the mean girl.

“I feel like a different person now in some ways.  It’ll be interesting to see how this school year plays out. When I do student government, those girls are awful to each other and I don’t know how much I’m gonna be able to put up with that.  I feel now I’m just gonna say, “Look guys, we don’t have much time.  Why don’t we all be pals and help each other?”

To say I have been been ‘inspired’ by my friend Jon would be a massive understatement.   I am moved, stirred, exhilarated and motivated. I hope you are, too.

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