Finally, a situation where I might be able to offer helpful suggestions! I am someone who has seen every film you've listed, plus much slower fare- specifically, I have watched nearly every extant film by Yasujiro Ozu; two films by Tarkovsky; multiple films by Bergman; three films by Luchino Visconti; several Fellini films; and countless silent films (including 1920s-era Soviet propaganda films, four-hour epics from D.W. Griffith, and experimental films like "L'Age D'Or" and "Limite"). I sat through "Wavelength," which is 40 minutes of looking at a wall. I am currently on a mission to view "Satantango," which I have been warned is the end boss of boring cinema.
I love these films- I'm not disparaging any of them. But they're slow for my hyper-modern tastes, my attention span whittled down to that of a hummingbird by the cheap, rapid thrills of social media. So I have to treat myself accordingly. I'm coping with the disability of a short attention span, as it were.
My advice is as follows:
1. You don't have to watch the whole film in one sitting. Anyone who feels otherwise should try watching an 8-hour film serial like "The Human Condition" or "Les Vampires" in one go, with no meal breaks or bathroom breaks. A lot of old movies have intermissions built into them for a reason; where they don't, I'll take my own. Watching movies is supposed to be entertaining and elevating of the human spirit- it's not a paid job for me. I'm not a surveillance officer making $13 an hour to stare at security camera footage all day. Watch them in 10-minute spurts, then go do something else. Watch 20 minutes, walk the dog, watch 10 minutes, watch a different movie, watch 30 more minutes, cook a meal. There's no need to fall asleep watching something slow. Take a break.
2. It's okay to read a plot synopsis. If the film is too confusing, I'll read something about it on Wikipedia or elsewhere. It's not like I'm spoiling a twist ending by reading about the beginning of a film to confirm I understand everything and get all the relationships between the characters. See #1- it's not my job to watch films from 1923 and pretend that they're exactly the same as films from 2023. They're not, they're much better. But they also demand more from me, and I'm not always able to give as much as contemporary audiences could have. I'm watching these at home with 10,000 distractions cropping up. I might not catch every nuance of character development or subtle implication of camera framing, and I'm okay with that.
3. Enjoy yourself. Slow films are often very rewarding (I love Ozu, Bergman and Tarkovsky!), but that doesn't mean I have to slog through every snoozefest I turn on. I refuse to watch any more films by Eric von Stroheim. He's okay as an actor, but as a director he has the worst impulses of an auteur combined with the base sexism of a Harvey Weinstein. (He was so bad, even his chauvinistic contemporaries called him out on this- Louis Mayer once punched him in the face for saying an incredibly sexist thing.) I don't like sitting through his films, and I applaud Irving Thalberg for cropping as much from them as he did. I sat through "Foolish Wives," hating every second of it; I stopped watching "Greed" about halfway through. And I'm okay with that. I'd do the same thing with modern directors I hate- either shut their movies off or avoid them in the first place. I have no qualms about this.
These are wonderfully helpful and appreciated. I think a lot of us feel like there's only one 'right' way to experience a movie and so it's nice to think that maybe, in fact, there is no 'wrong' way to do it. My husband loves all of those crazy long slow ones like Satantango or Les vampires - I know myself to know I shouldn't even attempt it. Or... I guess you've given me permission to watch it in pieces, so maybe I'll see those movies after all! And yes, agreed on Eric von Stroheim (although I love him in Grand Illusion).
I feel you on those. I fell asleep during the last Lord of the Rings, for about 40 mins and didn't feel like I missed anything. Still really enjoyed it. Conked out during Inception and glad I did. The one movie I can never get through is Pinocchio. It's not even long, but I was dozed off three separate times!
Um, same on Pinocchio! I assume you mean the Disney cartoon version? I never made it through even as a kid! I remember always waking up somewhere around when he smokes a cigar and thinking I must have really missed something major.
Solid list! Most of these are so unabashedly male-centric that I'd be unconscious before the credits rolled. Also, Avatar. The only thing I have to say about that movie is, why? Not why did it bore you, but why does it exist?
This is so funny as these are like my fav flicks ever (minus the last two) seen them front to back fifty times never falling asleep still love you tho :)
Omg this was hilarious! 2001 hasn’t put me to sleep but when I saw it on the big screen at our local nonprofit theater, it definitely put me in a meditative stupor.
My friends would always razz me in high school when I’d fall asleep during a late night screening. After a night of teenage debauchery, we’d encamp in front of my friend’s father’s home theater. “Let’s watch Blade Runner!”
I HATE falling asleep during movies, but I've done it from time to time. And I love slow, boring-ass movies about, like, fat guys staring out windows and smoking cigarettes.
The strongest nap I ever took was probably during OUT OF THE FURNACE. Incredible cast -- Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Zoe Saldana, Forest Whitaker, Willem Dafoe, Woody Harrelson, etc. Appalachian drug dealers. I went down so hard I released a DEAFENING snore to wake myself up. Later realized Scott Cooper, the director, exclusively does movies with big stars and great premises that are the most boring things you'd EVER seen.
Yes to almost all of these. They’re nearly all long films, right? If directors were restricted to two hours (90 minutes ideally) these would be better films…
THIS: If your movie doesn’t have any women in it, I might fall asleep
And I agree with you on most. But not Blade Runner.
I want to love Blade Runner. I love it hypothetically? Does that count?
everything counts if we want it to! ps: i felt that way about the french connection.
I’ve watched a quarter of Blade Runner so many times…
Finally, a situation where I might be able to offer helpful suggestions! I am someone who has seen every film you've listed, plus much slower fare- specifically, I have watched nearly every extant film by Yasujiro Ozu; two films by Tarkovsky; multiple films by Bergman; three films by Luchino Visconti; several Fellini films; and countless silent films (including 1920s-era Soviet propaganda films, four-hour epics from D.W. Griffith, and experimental films like "L'Age D'Or" and "Limite"). I sat through "Wavelength," which is 40 minutes of looking at a wall. I am currently on a mission to view "Satantango," which I have been warned is the end boss of boring cinema.
I love these films- I'm not disparaging any of them. But they're slow for my hyper-modern tastes, my attention span whittled down to that of a hummingbird by the cheap, rapid thrills of social media. So I have to treat myself accordingly. I'm coping with the disability of a short attention span, as it were.
My advice is as follows:
1. You don't have to watch the whole film in one sitting. Anyone who feels otherwise should try watching an 8-hour film serial like "The Human Condition" or "Les Vampires" in one go, with no meal breaks or bathroom breaks. A lot of old movies have intermissions built into them for a reason; where they don't, I'll take my own. Watching movies is supposed to be entertaining and elevating of the human spirit- it's not a paid job for me. I'm not a surveillance officer making $13 an hour to stare at security camera footage all day. Watch them in 10-minute spurts, then go do something else. Watch 20 minutes, walk the dog, watch 10 minutes, watch a different movie, watch 30 more minutes, cook a meal. There's no need to fall asleep watching something slow. Take a break.
2. It's okay to read a plot synopsis. If the film is too confusing, I'll read something about it on Wikipedia or elsewhere. It's not like I'm spoiling a twist ending by reading about the beginning of a film to confirm I understand everything and get all the relationships between the characters. See #1- it's not my job to watch films from 1923 and pretend that they're exactly the same as films from 2023. They're not, they're much better. But they also demand more from me, and I'm not always able to give as much as contemporary audiences could have. I'm watching these at home with 10,000 distractions cropping up. I might not catch every nuance of character development or subtle implication of camera framing, and I'm okay with that.
3. Enjoy yourself. Slow films are often very rewarding (I love Ozu, Bergman and Tarkovsky!), but that doesn't mean I have to slog through every snoozefest I turn on. I refuse to watch any more films by Eric von Stroheim. He's okay as an actor, but as a director he has the worst impulses of an auteur combined with the base sexism of a Harvey Weinstein. (He was so bad, even his chauvinistic contemporaries called him out on this- Louis Mayer once punched him in the face for saying an incredibly sexist thing.) I don't like sitting through his films, and I applaud Irving Thalberg for cropping as much from them as he did. I sat through "Foolish Wives," hating every second of it; I stopped watching "Greed" about halfway through. And I'm okay with that. I'd do the same thing with modern directors I hate- either shut their movies off or avoid them in the first place. I have no qualms about this.
Hopefully, this perspective is helpful!
These are wonderfully helpful and appreciated. I think a lot of us feel like there's only one 'right' way to experience a movie and so it's nice to think that maybe, in fact, there is no 'wrong' way to do it. My husband loves all of those crazy long slow ones like Satantango or Les vampires - I know myself to know I shouldn't even attempt it. Or... I guess you've given me permission to watch it in pieces, so maybe I'll see those movies after all! And yes, agreed on Eric von Stroheim (although I love him in Grand Illusion).
I feel you on those. I fell asleep during the last Lord of the Rings, for about 40 mins and didn't feel like I missed anything. Still really enjoyed it. Conked out during Inception and glad I did. The one movie I can never get through is Pinocchio. It's not even long, but I was dozed off three separate times!
Um, same on Pinocchio! I assume you mean the Disney cartoon version? I never made it through even as a kid! I remember always waking up somewhere around when he smokes a cigar and thinking I must have really missed something major.
Solid list! Most of these are so unabashedly male-centric that I'd be unconscious before the credits rolled. Also, Avatar. The only thing I have to say about that movie is, why? Not why did it bore you, but why does it exist?
WHHHHYYYYYYYY - I'll never ever understand the popularity of Avatar.
I also fell asleep while watching The Deer Hunter.
Was it during the wedding scene? It had to have been.
Oh yeah. I couldn’t even make it past the stupid dance.
This is so funny as these are like my fav flicks ever (minus the last two) seen them front to back fifty times never falling asleep still love you tho :)
I know! They are great movies! Hence, my secret shame.
Omg this was hilarious! 2001 hasn’t put me to sleep but when I saw it on the big screen at our local nonprofit theater, it definitely put me in a meditative stupor.
I'm determined to give it another go after watching that new trailer - it looks too cool for me to have never watched it in one sitting.
Let us know how it goes!
My friends would always razz me in high school when I’d fall asleep during a late night screening. After a night of teenage debauchery, we’d encamp in front of my friend’s father’s home theater. “Let’s watch Blade Runner!”
“No, you always fall asleep.”
I wonder if every teenage crew has a 'sleeper'. Like there's the smart one and the tough one and the funny one and the one who falls asleep.
Who was the sleeper in “The Breakfast Club?”
Ally Sheedy! Who I actually played in a college theatrical production of The Breakfast Club. Art imitates life imitates art
Here for the Avatar snub 🍿
High five!
I HATE falling asleep during movies, but I've done it from time to time. And I love slow, boring-ass movies about, like, fat guys staring out windows and smoking cigarettes.
The strongest nap I ever took was probably during OUT OF THE FURNACE. Incredible cast -- Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Zoe Saldana, Forest Whitaker, Willem Dafoe, Woody Harrelson, etc. Appalachian drug dealers. I went down so hard I released a DEAFENING snore to wake myself up. Later realized Scott Cooper, the director, exclusively does movies with big stars and great premises that are the most boring things you'd EVER seen.
Fromtheyardtothearthouse.substack.com
Yes to almost all of these. They’re nearly all long films, right? If directors were restricted to two hours (90 minutes ideally) these would be better films…
I soooo want to watch 2001. I tried twice, and both times fell asleep within 5 minutes. Maybe 14 hour work days as a journalist were to blame.
Loved reading this.
I slept through No Country For Old Men but I intend to remedy this fairly soon.
Also the Super Mario movie from the 90s which I do not intend to revisit.
"Pirates Of The Caribbean is the worst film I have ever slept through".
"Ah - so you HAVE slept through it then?"
Actually, just realised that if you slept through it, you won't get that joke.
As you were.