Who's Afraid of Being Destitute? Me! I Am! [July 2024 Lightning Strikes 01]

Trying something new this week - more of a hodgepodge magaziney-type format with stuff I've been thinking about, things I've been reading, etc.

Jul 02, 2024

Or, why fear makes it so hard to be creative.

I always thought that the most difficult part about writing for a living would be selling something. I didn’t realize what a luxury it was to be able to write a script that sucked and have no real consequences other than a bruised ego and a general helpless feeling. Now that I rely on my writing to pay rent and buy groceries, when I write something bad, I have a bruised ego, I feel helpless, and I start applying for a new credit card. It takes a long time to write a script. Time that I’m afraid of wasting because bills are due. Which makes me afraid of writing something terrible and having to start over. Because then I have even less time and bills are late. However, as Kyle MacLachlan’s inner voice says in Dune, “Fear is the mind killer.”1

clip from David Lynch's Dune

Writing from a place of fear is almost a guarantee that what you write will feel flat, forced or desperate. Not something most people are interested in buying. So, then what? How do people rely on their writing to provide for their basic necessities and then not bring fear to the table? 2

This week was the week I was supposed to dive into the new script. I pictured: me, bursting with inspiration and confidence, hunched over my keyboard and typing away for hours at a time. This was the goal. The ideal. The thing I thought for sure would happen because the only thing standing in the way of it becoming reality was me. So, I thought, all I’d have to do was ask myself to kindly step aside and get to work. It felt good to know that in 7 days I’d have 7 days worth of writing done. I would make progress. I would be on my way.

However, there was a hitch. See, I’ve been trying a different approach these days. If I sit down to work and I’m feeling any kind of pressure or fear of time ticking, I’m not allowed to write. I came up with this rule after repeatedly going down false roads with a story because I was just trying to ‘figure it out’ and meet a self-imposed deadline instead of letting it come naturally on its own.

So, guess what happened? I didn’t end up writing this week. At all. Occasionally the story would float across my mind, but I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace to work on it. By Friday, I had nothing and I was seriously freaked out.

Then, last night, while I was drifting off to sleep…

Bam! Suddenly, a whole new approach to the story - cleaner, simpler, more me - popped in my head! Fully formed! I fumbled for my phone in the dark and wrote down as much as I could in an email draft.

I mean, it was the lightning bolt. You hear about it and I get it sometimes, but not as often as I’d like. I went back to sleep and woke up this morning eager to see if I’d written down a bunch of gibberish. I hadn’t. It was good.

So… looking back… it’s interesting. I could have ignored my rule, worked for 7 days on the first version of the story, building out the world and the characters and going down a path that wasn’t quite right… but instead, I did nothing, let it rest and now have a way forward that will be hands down better and way more valuable than 7 days of work going in the wrong direction.

Inspiration is such a little bastard.

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RESEARCH: INSPIRATION, THE PARTY CRASHER

Inspiration never shows up when it’s invited. It’d much rather roll into your friend’s sister’s roommate’s birthday party three hours after it started, snag the biggest slice of cake and then go poof, vanishing in a perfect French Exit3.

multicolored donkey pinata — Photo by Nik on Unsplash

Which is incredibly frustrating and irritating and makes me want to scream. I want to bend it to my will! I want to make it fall in love with me and do whatever I tell it, dammit! I started poking around the internet looking for some insight into my own party crasher from last night and found this twelve year old article in the Scientific American:

Scientific American: The Inspiration Paradox: Your Best Creative Time Is Not When You Think

Citing some studies, it concludes that morning people are more creative at night and night people are more creative in the morning. The argument being that you’re more likely to be easily distracted when you’re tired and when it comes to creativity, distraction is a good thing. Not trying so hard. Huh. As a person who is always TRYING SO GODDAMN HARDDDDD this is… something to consider.

Did this theory apply to last night? Well, normally I would have said no because I am a lifelong night person. However! For the last year or two I’ve been undergoing a transformation into… a morning person and these days I actually get up pretty early. 4

So, maybe these studies are onto something?

MY PROCESS: The Special Insanity That Is Los Angeles at 5:00 am

It’s 5:00 am and it’s dark. My dog is licking my face so that I will get up and feed him. I stumble into the kitchen and outside I hear someone yelling. No words. Just general, you know, crazy person yelling.

landscape photo of pedestrian lane beside building — Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I sit down at the table with my coffee, ready to be still with my thoughts and… that person is still yelling. Are they in distress? I listen hard (which means I scrunch up my face into concentrating mode) and determine they sound more angry than they do scared or in pain. I open the Citizen app on my phone - notice that someone was reported with a machete about a mile away… okay… cool… - but nothing closer. I put down the phone and get ready to meditate.

Wait, what? It’s 6:00 am? How did so much time pass? Did I go from the Citizen app to Instagram and then check the news while I was at it? Maybe.

There’s a loud crash and now I’m peering out the window into the street below. Don’t see anything. What is going on? Then, suddenly, the mystery person transitions from incomprehensible yelling to… hysterical laughing. I am not calling 911 for joy. Even if it sounds psychotic.

I sit back down. It’s 6:30 am. Damn - where did the time go? Time to refocus. Meditate. Take some deep breaths. Sit tall. Close my eyes…

BRRRRRR - is that a leafblower? What time is it? It’s 7 am? Holy hell. Concentrate, dammit.

BRrBRrBRr - Now are there three leafblowers? In some kind of satanic harmony? It’s okay. It’s fine. I’ll just grab my airpods… Oh, the left one didn’t charge? I can still hear the leafblowers out of my left ear?

Let it go. Move on. Right. I’ll just open my laptop…

My dog is barking. Someone must have delivered a package. Wow, that’s early for a UPS guy… what? It’s 10am?

Get it together! Okay, time to write. I’ll just read one little article on propagating and plants first…

And now it’s 12pm.

Shit.

LINK: How Famous People Did It

I thought this was interesting - you have to zoom on the image to really read it but I love seeing what Mozart was up to. But don’t get me started on the fact that there is only one person listed who is not white or a man…

Visual Capitalist: Visualized: The Daily Routines of Famous Creatives

GOOD DEED: It’s Not Always About Me

Something that I have found that improves my quality of life which then directly affects my ability to be creative is helping others. This can be supporting friends and family, volunteering for organizations, or sometimes just donating money to a good cause. It’s important that I get out of the mindset that makes everything about me all the time and focus on the rest of the world.

One of the ways I show up is volunteering at the North Central Animal Shelter here in Los Angeles. The shelters here are insanely overcrowded right now, housing HUNDREDS more animals than they were designed to. A lot of animals are suffering.

A common phrase in the animal rescue community is SEEN = SAVED. So, I thought I’d put the spotlight on a local sweetheart who could use some help getting seen.

And thus, I introduce you to: KINGSTON- #A2059148 - 5 yrs, 85 lbs!

Video of Kingston on Instagram

From the friendsofnorthcentral shelter instagram post:

Meet KINGSTON! This handsome and chill 5 yr old gent is one of North Central’s LONGEST residents. We have no idea why he’s been overlooked for so long, but he’s been patiently waiting at the shelter for 13 MONTHS 😢. We decided that this boy deserved a break from shelter life, so we took him for an outing to show the world what a good boy he is!
On his field trip he was:
- Great in the car, laid down right away with no whining or trying to get in front.
- Walked with a loose leash the majority of the time, would occasionally pull towards things of interest
- Non reactive to passing dogs and cyclists
- Friendly and relaxed around strangers
Kingston has also done well on numerous shelter dog meets and currently shares a kennel with a female dog due to overcrowding. We think Kingston is total BFF material, and we’d love to see him find his forever home at LONG LAST. North Central’s longest residents come with a donated gift bag of adoption supplies too! We are fundraising for long timer gift bags. Please DM us if you’d like to donate some supplies like leashes, collars, and kongs!
___________

Visit the shelter to adopt!
OPEN TO THE PUBLIC Tues - Fri 8-5; Sat & Sun 11-5.
For more info ☎️ 888-452-7381 or laanimalservices.com
📍North Central Animal Services Center – 3201 Lacy Street, Los Angeles, CA 90031

Thank you for reading Inspired. This post is public so feel free to share it.

In the new Dune, this line is said by Timothée Chalamet’s mom instead but I prefer it from the original movie because a) the way the ‘inner voice’ is whispered throughout this movie tickles me and b) it’s my inner voice that’s alerting me about letting fear make my choices.

Personal research is leading me to believe that a lot of professional writers DON’T rely on their writing for basic necessities - instead, they lean on a partner or they have inherited wealth or they pick up a day job. I have a lot to say about day jobs and side hustles, I’ll get into it in another post.

I have always known this as a French Exit although I’ve heard it often referred to as an Irish Exit. Either way, this is my signature move at pretty much all parties. Even my own.

I could only read so many wellness blurbs telling me that I’d be more productive if I got up early that I had to finally give it a shot.